Why am I still here?

I actually had very high hopes for last week. Internet was working on Monday and I had electricity as well, normal things in a normal country but this isn't a normal country anymore. To my demise it only lasted on Monday, from then on Internet has been dead and so are most of my hopes for a good living here.

Photo by Gem & Lauris RK on Unsplash

My wife is past her break point, I had one of those starting this very week and the situation seems to be getting worst.

I've only played 17 spins so far which is as bad as it seems. My only hope was using my phone but that isn't working either, the only thing I haven't tried was checking if it works at 4 or 5 am just to try and add a few hands.

Haven't written any new posts for Medium either, there are some ideas I want to explore but the lack of internet really brings me down and I'm now considering leaving for good.

I've thought about before but never took it seriously enough to actually look into the requirements and steps-to-take to make a living somewhere else, until now. The only good part is that I have enough friends outside the country that could lend me a hand, at least for a few days. Enough to settle down I hope.

Not gonna lie, I hate this shit. I hate it enough to know the answer lies somewhere else, still, it doesn't make it any easier to leave.

Sometimes it feels I just have to take the leap and hope for the best but it's not the way I do things.

For now, with the flashes of internet I get from time to time, I'll do my research and prepare.

Nothing more to add really, other than my stress levels going up everyday. Will try to post on Twitter from time to time but it's very unlikely. Bringing a new post next week, until then!